


Searching for Solace

by SpicyPorcupine



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, OC, Solavellan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 06:12:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12858474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyPorcupine/pseuds/SpicyPorcupine
Summary: With Corypheus defeated, the Breach closed, Everyone, including Inquisition could breathe in relief. The major threat to the world had been stopped. But for Ashal Lavellan, she had one more thing to do. she had to find Solas, for she had something to tell him that concerned him.





	Searching for Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, after almost a year, I've completely re-written this piece. I felt it was HIGHLY lacking and that it needed fixing, I hope you guys enjoy this one as much as you enjoyed the prior version, I hope I won't disappoint.

            It all started with a simple gesture. His fingers clasped around her wrist as he pointed her palm towards the Fade Rift, sealing it. Until that moment, she never felt such euphoria. That moment then, as time passed she began seeking him out, partaking in idle chatter, discussing various topics: the Fade, the Inquisition, her people, anything to spend time with him. Those moments became lingering glances, then soft, but hidden smiles to one another as they traversed the world. It took a trip to the Fade to make them realize just how hard they have fallen for one another. It was like a dream, but all dreams end eventually, and for Ashal, hers ended.

 

***

            Ashal let out a heavy sigh as she studied the Map of Ferelden and Orlais for the thousandth time that afternoon. She leafed through the reports that Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine would receive on an hourly basis; thankful she wasn’t alone with the task of leading the inquisition. Without them, she would have been lost and Corypheus not dead. She paused at one report, the parchment neatly folded with remnants of Leliana’s seal on the edges. She knew what this report was, she could tell by the wear of it, like it had been read countless times, clutched against one’s bosom in despair. She resisted, but failed, reaching for the report that had been hidden away and reading it, hearing the Spymaster’s own voice in her head as her eyes absorbed the partially faded words. But at the end of it all, it was as if she had read it for the first time, and her heart sank low.

 

            The moment she had first read Leliana's report when it had first arrived, she had just learned of her delicate condition, this made her advisors and companions confine her to Skyhold to protect her unborn child, Solas's child. A hand moved to cup her rounded belly, the babe within greeting it’s mother with a gentle kick. She was being treated like a delicate blossom. She lost count at how many times she had been prodded with questions regarding her well-being. Did she eat yet? What did she eat? Was she feeling any pain? Was she resting? Was she taking things easy? It grew tiresome very quickly. Ashal pinched the bridge of her nose, just thinking of the ridiculous things she was asked and had to do during these last few months.

 

 

            Back with her clan things were different. Until the third trimester, pregnant clan members did their share around the camp. They even hunted. All manner of things no pregnant woman should do, they did. But with the  _Shems_? The Humans?  It was the opposite, she felt like an exotic beast kept in some Orlesian noble’s home for sport.

 

             “Shouldn’t you be resting?” Cassandra had asked, Ashal hadn't even noticed her entering the War Room, how lost in her mind was she?  
  
            "I can't sit idle any longer..." she replied, her gaze never meeting the Seeker’s "and I can't sleep," she stroked her belly, before letting out a slow breath then looking to the Seeker.  
  
            "Regardless, you should be resting, it's-"  
  
            "I know!" Ashal roared, banging her fist down on the table, knocking several pins over, some even rolling off the table "I know that I should be resting! I know that it's not good for me to be up and about doing vigorous work! I am not a fucking porcelain doll! I am a living person! The blood of the Dales roars through my veins, I will not be confined like some beast!" She knew Cassandra meant well, but she couldn't take it anymore.

 

    Her sitting idle has brought her the brink of becoming mad. Being watched constantly as she were one of the prisoners held below Skyhold was maddening enough. She breathed heavily before breaking down, tears spilling from her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes twitching as she cried.

 

    Cassandra moved towards Ashal, placing her hand on her shoulder, Ashal hugged Cassandra in response, catching the Seeker off guard.

     

    “I miss him,”

     

    “I know, my friend,” Cassandra patted her back gently “But he doesn’t want to be found,”

     

    “I wish he hadn’t left, at least without saying goodbye or telling me which direction he be going…” Ashal released the Seeker, turning towards the map table “then perhaps things would have been easier, I could have found him as soon as I learned I was carrying his child,” she let out a long, drawn out sigh, holding her belly as she starred at the location of Crestwood on the map.

     

    “He’s out there somewhere and we will find him, eventually. Might be tomorrow, or in a few months, perhaps even years, but I promise you, we will find him,” Cassandra placed her hand on Ashal’s shoulder once more “but you need some rest, your little outburst must have taken a great toll on you,” she paused “you can yell at me once you’re more rested,”

     

    Ashal gave into the Seeker’s demands, turning away from the table, She took three steps before letting out a grunt, doubling over, holding her swollen belly as she did so.

     

    “On second though, help me get to the infirmary,” she gasped “I… T-Think, it’s time…” she held out her hand for the Seeker, standing as straight as she could. Cassandra took hold of her, helping her towards the door. Josephine had gasped when Cassandra barged through the door, almost knocking over her inkwell in the process.

     

    “Lady Cassandra? Inquisitor? What is the meaning of-“ Josie paused as she took in the sight before her “oh, I will fetch the Mother Giselle,” she took no time for propriety as she stepped from her desk and out into the Great Hall, luckily for her, no important guest was visiting today as she rushed from her office.

     

    ***

    

    Her screams filled the infirmary as Ashal worked through the vigor of labor. She huffed, she pushed, she'd cry. Sweat glued her snowy tresses to her sun-kissed skin, her knuckles white as she gripped the sheets in pain, not wanting to put any of the poor Chantry sisters in pain as she went through labor.

     

    A Chantry sister wiped her brow free of sweat, Cassandra paced just outside the room, a fist to her chin in worry. Ashal let out another cry, her back lifting from the bed as she pushed. Tears poured from her eyes to the point that they ached. Another Chantry sister shushed her, placing a hand dainty on her shoulder, whispering soothing words to her. But Ashal could only cry. He should be here. He should be the one pacing outside, not Cassandra.

     

    She let out a trail of Elvhen words, almost in the form of a prayer before lifting herself from the bed with all her remaining strength to push. She had been at it for hours, or maybe even days. She didn't know. The pain was unbearable, and she was lost in time as she labored.

     

    Ashal was ready to give up, but the Chantry sisters kept at it, calling her brave and that she could do it. This suddenly sparked anger from deep within her, Ashal, using every bit of strength she had remaining, reaching out and grabbed one of the Chantry sister to her right by the front of her smock and glared at her with gritted teeth,

     

    “Call me brave one more time and I swear I will reopen the Breach and make the Temple of Sacred Ashes look like child’s play!” Ashal growled. The Chantry sisters jumped at her threat, looking at one another as Ashal let out another howl of pain, releasing the sister in the process to grip the sheets “Ahhh! Solas!” she cried as she gave one final push, using every bit of strength she had remaining, yelling and gritting her teeth until they felt like they were to soon break from the strain she was putting on them.

     

    She fell back down on the bed after one final push, feeling her child leave her body, the pillows that the Chantry sisters had stuffed behind her were barely able to prop her head up. Her eyes fluttered open and closed as she breathed heavily, feeling as she had just finished fighting a dragon, minus the cuts and burns. She watched as the Mother Giselle and a Chantry sister worked with the infant, water sloshing around as they cleaned it. She heard Cassandra enter the room, muttering thanks to the Maker for her wellbeing. Something didn’t seem right to Ashal though. Where was the crying? Why wasn’t the baby making any noise? Ashal tried sitting up, but was too weak, she looked to Cassandra in worry.

     

    “Something is not right,” she whispered frantically “why is there no crying? There should be crying!” Ashal felt panic in her heart as thoughts raced through her mind. Back with her clan, she witnessed many births, enough to know that the babe would cry within moments of it’s entrance into the world. If it weren’t for her lack of strength, Ashal would have shot out of bed towards where her baby was being cleaned. She looked to the Seeker with fear,

     

    “Cassandra, what is happening? Where is my baby? Why hasn’t there been a sound? Why?” Ashal started to cry, her chest heaving from the anxiety she was going through. Her baby, what happened to her baby? Did it survive the birth? Ashal cried out in Elvhen, beseeching Mythal, begging for an answer. The world began to spin, time seeming to slow; she swore she could hear her heart beating slowly as time went on. She was so lost in her thoughts of why her baby wasn’t making sound that she never even noticed the sisters working on the aftercare of labor. Her ears started to ring as sound disappeared and then, there was a shrill cry. Upon reaching her ears, Ashal felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on her. She gasped at the sound; it was like music to her ears. Mother Giselle turned, revealing a squirming bundle in her arms,

     

    “Inquisitor, you have given birth to a healthy son,” Ashal tried to sit up, but her strength had not yet returned.

     

    “Cassandra, could you-“ Ashal needn’t finish her request, as the Seeker helped her to right herself. She held out her arms as Mother Giselle came into range, taking her babe into her arms and cradling him, her heart swelled with pride as she held him, she kissed his forehead a few times then looked to the Chantry Sisters, then to Mother Giselle, and then to Cassandra, a smile wide on her face. So wide that it appeared as if her face would crack if she were to smile any wider.

     

    “He’s beautiful,” she glanced to her son who had ceased his crying and was starting to root around, looking for his first meal. Ashal let out a slight chuckle at the sight and tugged at the lace of her gown, lowering just the shoulder. Ashal rested her finger right on her breast and stroked her infant son’s cheek, the child immediately moving it’s head to latch on to her breast. She smiled, half expecting it to be difficult the first time, but as he started to suckle, she was filled with euphoria.

     

    “I’m surprised we needn’t guide you in your first steps into motherhood,” Mother Giselle said softly.

     

    “I’ve witnessed a lot of first time mothers in my clan, and I’ve learned the basics once I became of age,” Ashal replied as she stroked the thin hairs on her son’s head.

     

    “Have you chosen a name?” floated in a voice from the doorway. Ashal glanced up to see the Leliana.

     

    “No,” Ashal replied, making a quick glance to her son “not yet, but I am sure it’ll come to me as I think on it,”

     

    Leliana entered the room and sat at the edge of the bed, “How do you feel?”

     

    “I feel as the sky must have felt when the Breach first appeared,” Ashal laughed softly “but overall, I am happy, tired, but happy,” she glanced to her spymaster “maybe a little sore, but who isn’t after birth?”

     

    Leliana chuckled in response, “I suppose you’re right,” she looked down a moment “What do you think it would have been like if Solas was here?” she inquired.

     

    Ashal took in a short breath, almost replying right away, but paused, looking towards the infant who suddenly ripped off her breast, a huff escaping him. Ashal lifted the infant to rest on her shoulder, gently patting his back until a good-sized burp escaped him.

     

    “Things would be different, I assume,” Ashal shrugged as she cradled her son in her arms “if he was here, he’d be ecstatic, most likely, happy to be a father, provided he wasn’t applying a poultice to his hand from me squeezing his hand during labor,” Ashal let out a gentle sigh, trying her best not to allow despair ruin this moment. Instead, she looked to her Leliana and Cassandra, “Would either of you like to hold him?” she asked.

     

    Cassandra volunteered and took the baby from Ashal’s arms, immediately fawning over him, holding her finger out for him to grasp. Leliana joined in with Cassandra in fawning over him, Ashal could only smile. She pictured a scene of Solas holding his son, a wide smile on his face as he chuckled softly, as he moved around the room with the infant held high, often receiving kisses from his father. She tried to chase away the dread growing in her heart, the deep sadness that threatened to poison this moment, but it found a weakness in her heart and struck true.

     

    “Now, that’s not the look I expected of a new mother,” came a voice from the doorway “in fact, I expected a smile,” there was a chuckle following after the words. Ashal knew immediately whom the voice belonged to,

     

    “Dorian! It’s good to see you!”

     

    “And you too,” he gestured towards the infant “and who might this special fellow be?”

     

    “I haven’t thought of a name yet,” Ashal confessed, “I felt that I should see him first before I truly decided on a name,”

     

    “How about you name him after your ever so dashing companion?”

     

    “But I wouldn’t want to do that, what if he becomes more dashing than you? Then it would seem that you were named after him, you’d have to go back in time to alter that,” Ashal winked at him.

     

    “You got me there, friend,” he laughed in response.

     

    “It’s good to see you Dorian, I’ve missed you,”

     

    “Likewise, now let me see the lad,”

     

    “Now, now, you have to wait your turn,” Leliana said as she stepped between Dorian and Cassandra, taking the infant from her arms.

     

    “Alright you two, get along, there is plenty of time to see him,” Ashal leaned back against the pillows, and watched them pass her son around. She fell into a lull as time progressed, her friends coming and going, each fawning over the infant, some even brought toys for him. She didn’t even realize that she had fallen asleep until she awoke to Cassandra gently shaking her awake,

     

    “Inquisitor, would you like to stay the night here, or would you like to be moved to your chambers?”

     

    “Hmm?” Ashal blinked a few times “here… I …stay, here” she replied.

     

    Cassandra acknowledged her answer and helped her get comfortable, ensuring that her son was comfortable as well. Ashal fell back asleep without any hesitation. A deep breath escaped her as she drifted deeper into the Fade, dreaming of home, surrounded by her friends.


End file.
